How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever have those moments that stop you dead in your tracks and you immediately ask yourself the question how did I get here? Mine regularly look something like this:

I am sitting in a restaurant. I see a group of early twenty-ish folks joking or laughing or talking pop culture. I eavesdrop (as I do) and realize they are discussing my favorite show or band. I charmingly smile in their direction and when one of them engages my gesture, I chime in with a cute antidote or tidbit of new information WITHOUT FAIL, one of them looks in my direction and gives me a placating smirk. At this point, I usually turn my attention back to my original table that almost always includes a teenager or a group of middle aged women or a handsome man with charming grey accents in his hair.

I'm that lady.

Beacuse in my mind, I am 24. How did I become the SUV driving mom of two teenagers, married for 18 years and proudly supporting the use of wrinkle cream and hair dye? It was just yesterday that I was dancing at DV8 in my black mini skirt and using all my nonexistent hair coolness to copy Jennifer Aniston, right? Everything in me still tells me that I could hang with those cool kids.

I have been a parent for 15 years and I still find it hard to believe that I am responsible enough to be trusted with the life of another human. I have purchased cars, bought and paid off a house and faithfully contributed to 401k and college savings, but I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that my life is grown-up enough to necessitate a life insurance policy. How did this happen?

Here is what I know. I woke up. I lived. I went to sleep. For the last 6,576 days I have repeated this process and here I am. Somedays have been more productive than others. Sometimes, I have survived rather than thrived. But I have adult-ed. Through hard days and great days, I have faced the adult tasks and decisions that came my way.

Maybe it is not your age, but what makes you ask this question? Is it a looming decision? Is it a gut knowledge that you are headed in the wrong direction? Or maybe, it is the complete opposite. Perhaps you woke up this morning and you looked at the person in the bed with you and asked this same question because you know this life could have gone a billion other ways and you are so very grateful. 

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
- Joseph Campbell

Today, I am going to excitedly live into the adventure of being 41. I like the person that I am today so much better than the 24 year-old version. I hope I can say the same of the journey of the next 17 years.