Col. Sanders, I was wrong!
Just as the price tag gets higher, so do the issues we face. When the greatest challenge is how to fit 3 classmate birthday parties into the same weekend, enjoy the struggle. I never want to belittle the challenges that each season brings, but the older the kids, the bigger the issues. Each day, I am becoming more acutely aware that so too are the consequences of each struggle.
I can remember when failure to nap was a tragedy. My oldest hated naps (and for the record, she still hates sleep) and this was a real issue. But ultimately, the consequence of no nap was crankiness. It meant that irritation and whining would be present from 4-7pm. It made for a long day, but it did not determine long term future success.
Fast forward a few years, and we find ourselves in a new season. The issues are more complex, the consequences are more permanent and the possibility of longstanding implications loom large. Parenting little people was a super duper big time struggle for me, but there are days that I listen to my teenager's complex challenges and I long for a week with no nap.
A normal Tuesday conversation in the afternoon carpool might include abortion rights, the 8th graders that have been caught making out in the computer lab for the 4th time, the bomb threat on from C pod or the cheating scandal in history. Wednesday might jump to the boy she's talking to (which is completely ironic because teenagers today do not SPEAK, they type) or the fact that one wrong step in 10th grade class planning will prevent the career path of her dreams. Thursday includes the conversation at lunch about self-harm AND the ever popular trend of sending topless pictures.
When people ask me what I do, I want to say, "I prepare for the carpool conversations...all school-day long."
A very wise friend, that is a step ahead of me in this journey, told me recently that the goal is not to raise great kids but to raise great adults. If I take that charge seriously, I guess all of these conversations are just par for the course.
I have hard conversations all the time with the adults in my life. We talk about our struggles, our successes, our faith, our doubt. So why do we shy away from these same conversations with our kiddos? There is no greater joy and weight than to know that I am the one that my girls want to have these conversations with. Is it hard? Hell, YES! But this world is hard, and if I want them to be ready to face all that comes their way, they need a safe depository for all of their questions.
If you find your self in the place of navigating these dangerous waters, consider asking some of these questions on your next drive to school or the grocery store:
What was the hardest decision you had to make today?
Which of your friends is the hardest to love right now?
What is one thing you did today to make the world a better place?
Is there anything that you are afraid of?
And if your conversation partner ventures into new ground, listen well. If they open up about things that you don't have the answers to, tell them that and then seek out the answers together. And most importantly, if they bring up a topic that you need help with, get it. All of my relationships are better today because I have said the words I NEED HELP. With my self, my marriage and my girls, the greatest gift that I have been given is the willingness to admit when we were in over our heads and needed a friend, parent, counselor or pastor to help us navigate our path forward.
May we be brave enough to embrace each season with the joy and struggle.
May we enjoy the warmth of the sunny seasons and dust off our coats for the chilly ones.
May we know that no matter the weather, life would not be moving forward without seasonal change.
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