Available?

I was in yoga class today (let's all just pause and let the fact that I have been participating in a form of physical activity for 2.5 months sit for a second...thank you) and there was a situation. A person in my physical condition fears these words from an instructor, "We are going to have an active flow today." This is code for you non-flexible and out of shape yahoos are in trouble.

I have come to embrace that I have to modify almost every class. That is a given. But this thing they (notice I did not even attempt to do this thing) did today was cray. We were all sitting on our blocks. I did that part. And we were stretching our hips. Check. Then there was some binding...and then standing...and some balancing...

I know I was staring at the instructor with my mouth hanging open in horror. How can these people do such things? My teacher so graciously said, "Do this if it is available to you."

Well, it was not. There was nothing about this pose that was "available" to me. And it sent me on a journey with this word available all day.

Available:
adjective
1. suitable or ready for use; of use or service; at hand:
2. readily obtainable; accessible: available resources.
3. having sufficient power or efficacy; valid

I wonder what seems unavailable to you today? Is it hope? Or love? Or grace? Are you struggling to see how peace is ever going to be obtainable? Does it appear that all that you are grasping for is not accessible?

All of these things and so much more have seemed out of my reach at one point or another. There are many days when I still feel like the list of the available resources is much shorter than the one that announces the many things that are unavailable.

Perhaps it is my natural negative bent, but more times than not, I am focused on the things that are unavailable rather than the things that are already firmly grounded in my life. Just like in yoga today. The class was an hour. Sure, there were some things that were hard. There were things that I modified, but there was only ONE pose that was completely unavailable to me. The other 58 minutes, I was totally availing myself of good, whole, healing stretches that just 3 months ago, I could not do! I had a moment today that I had to stop and look at my feet in my downward dog. My heels were less than 1' from my mat. THIS IS HUGE!

Just weeks ago, I did not have the strength to hold that pose very long and now I am comfortable. I  have made new friends, and learned to breathe in new ways and forged a new path for prayer that makes my heart very available to seek God. In all of that goodness, I spend countless amounts of energy on the 2 minutes that I can't do rather than the 58 that I can. Am I alone in this struggle? Nope.

So for today, may we focus on the many things that are available right before our eyes and hearts and minds and bodies. And for the areas that feel unavailable right now, may we continue to do the hard work of preparing the way for the day when we to can stretch in new and crazy ways.