I am currently flying thousands of feet in the air. It is not a bad flight, but it is certainly not smooth. There have been some bumps. Both girls have practiced their deep breathing. As things began to smooth out a bit and the Coke order was about to be made, I noticed the sign above my head - Life Vest Under Your Seat.
I understand that these vests are to be used in the event of a water landing, but my guess is that if this plane were to go down, the women in 22 A, B and C would all be dead of a heart attack long before we hit the water. Our panic would have caused hyperventilation and seeing that this momma would probably forget to put her mask on first, we would all be headed toward the Light.
How many times in our lives do the signs for help seem to feel a little delayed or empty or insufficient? Like when someone tells us ‘just turn it over to Jesus’ when we don’t even have the strength to pick up our heavy burden, much less hand it over. Or when we are in the midst of one of life’s most painful moments and well meaning friends tell us to ‘just ask for help’. First of all JUST should not be in that sentence. It’s so hard. It’s so heavy, this asking for help business.
I have had a day or 1,000 when I needed to head the emergency signs flashing to save me. Sure there have been life vests, but in my brokenness I could hardly breathe, much less reach under a seat.
It is my experience that sometimes we just have to nose our way into the deepest pains of those in our path. When I was a new mom I was incapable to taking care of my baby. I’ll tell this story another day, but let’s just say I literally could not function. I have this amazing gift called a sister. We call each other Daudie. I will not tell this story because you would laugh, but ‘sister’ just seems insufficient for the ways this woman has carried me, so Daudie it is. During this season, she taught school all day and every Tuesday and Thursday would drive in rush hour traffic from Houston to League City. She would meet me at our babysitter’s house. She would help me load the car, drive home, unpack the car and most importantly she would help me bathe and feed my baby.
I never asked her to do this. I told her many times to stop, that it was too much. She didn’t listen. I cannot imagine the things she said ‘no’ to in this season because she was taking care of me. I did not have the capacity or ability to ask for help. I needed her to tell me that she was coming to my house whether I wanted it or not. She did for me what I could not do for myself. I had no idea how to reach for the life vest. She not only handed it to me, she strapped it on and stayed Velcro-ed to me until I was on safe, dry land.
Perhaps you find yourself in a place where you need help and have no idea how to ask. Maybe you don’t even know what to ask for. You just know that things are not ok. You are in a lonely place and you don’t see the lifeboat anywhere around. I know this sounds crazy, but send up a flare. Look at the person in your life that can hear this and say, “I need you.”
And If you are the person who is given gift of receiving this cry, respond. They don’t need you to fix them. They need you to listen and show up. Show up in ways that they don’t ask you for. Show up at their house with dinner, not because they can’t cook, but because you can sit with them and eat and listen. Develop a SOS signal with that person. Agree that when a certain word or phrase or song is texted to you, you will do all in your power to be there. If you are able, stop what you are doing and arrive on their doorstep with Starbucks or a babysitter. Adopt a rap theme if you need to lighten the mood. I promise that if you text me “Mama say knock you out” I will know exactly what you mean and you will have my full attention. In my darkest days, I didn’t want help, but I needed it. Be there for your people in big and humbling and magical ways that show them just how much they mean to you.
We can talk another time about boundaries, but for now, just be the one to reach under the seat.
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